BREAKING: Guy Goes Clubbing, Gets Clubbing

NEW YORK, NY – Local man Phil Pulmer learned a new definition of the word ‘clubbing’ this week after a long night out at one of New York’s hottest clubs. Pulmer claims he was just dancing the night away when suddenly his fingertips began swelling like crazy.

“It was the damnedest thing,” Pulmer said, “when the night started out my hands seemed fine, but by the end my fingertips were massive. I mean, I can’t even pick my nose anymore!” Though the condition has made most things more difficult, Mr. Pulmer did mention that he now has an uncanny ability to play the piano.

Digital clubbing, a deformity of the finger or toe nails resulting in an abnormal rounded shape of the nail bed, usually is a sign of various diseases, usually of the heart or lungs. For Pulmer, however, it appears that an intense night of discotech ended up a little more literal than he would have hoped for.

Pulmer says he is already taking precautions to avoid events like this in the future. For example, he prophylactically threw out all of the cabbage in his garden after learning about coronary artery bypass grafting (CABG).

White Coat Weekly thanks our eyewitnesses for this interesting story and will continue to follow.

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