Hampton Falls, NH – We have all heard the old proverb “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”. To many of us, it’s a fun way of justifying our severe lack of responsibility for our own health. To a town in New Hampshire known for its sprawling apple orchards, however, it’s a serious (and fatal) issue.
“We haven’t seen a living doctor within our city limits in decades,” said old Tommy Moore. He and his family have lived in the town for generations, caring for thousands of acres of apple trees for as long as he can remember. “Most of us have various health issues, but the doctors can’t get through the force field the apple trees give off.”
Moore said about ten years ago a few doctors made it through the initial threat somehow on their way to a house call to one of his sick neighbors. The doctors, however, never showed up to the neighbor’s house. When they went out to look for them they found their bodies in various parts of the orchards covered in blood. “It was the damnedest thing,” said Moore, “It looked like an absolute massacre, like they were slaughtered in cold blood. Body parts everywhere.”
Moore and his family travel a few hours to a neighboring city if they need urgent care. Even this comes with its difficulties, however. “We have to strip down bare ass naked and scrub all of the apple residue off of ourselves before we can get close to the doctor’s office. Any hint of the stuff makes them critically ill!”
Dr. Lillian Hollow, a family practice physician a few hours from the town, said this has long been an issue for local doctors. “We just don’t know what to do. We obviously want to help these people, but there’s not much more we can do.” Dr. Hollow said last year they tried to implement a tele-health system, but the physician-specific noxious chemicals wiped out the WiFi signal as soon as they tried to connect. They were all sick for weeks.
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