Patients Flock to Hand Surgeons, Demand Upgrade to “Texting Thumb”

St. Louis, MO – Hand Surgeons around the country reported a 200% increase in new patient visits last month as word of “texting thumb” spread through Reddit and the Twittersphere.

While the phrase technically is a diagnosis (referring to an overuse syndrome wherein patients experience thumb pain due to excessive texting, candy-crushing, Pokemon-catching, or Tinder-swiping) it appears to have become both wildly viral and highly misunderstood.

“I’ve had 16 patients today ask me to give them a texting thumb,” explains Dr. Mehta Kharpal, a local hand surgeon. “Many either heard about the condition from a friend who had it, or read about it from a popular hashtag or something, but I’m not sure how Tweetagram works or whatever.”

Dr. Kharpal continues, “The condition is basically a thumb strain. It has been around for decades; it was called “Nintendo Thumb” back in the 90’s when the optimal usage of opposable thumbs was first discovered.”

A confidential source has revealed that certain boutique surgeons offer Complete Texting Thumb services to their high-dollar clientele. Unconfirmed reports state that these services can include thumb lengthening, thumb shortening, thumb contouring, addition of multiple thumb appendages, and even an implanted phone charger.

Purported benefits of Texting Thumb procedures include increased texting speed, accuracy, and emoji relevance. One office even claims it may increase dating-site match rates.

While Dr. Kharpal was unavailable for comment on these services while recovering from a recent surgery, he did send us this curt reply: “👍✂️🤙🏽❤️😉”

White Coat Weekly would like to thank everyone involved in this interesting story. We will continue to follow and update as necessary.

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