Chronic Insomniac ‘Night King’ Can Finally Get Some Damn Sleep

Winterfell, Westeros – The ending to this week’s Game of Thrones episode left many viewers in shock. Those closest to the Night King, however, say he hadn’t slept in decades and was getting really pissed. He was actually trying to die.

“How the hell do you think he got his nickname, the Night King?” said one of his top advisors. “His real name is Gerald. He just could never sleep and stayed up all night so we started calling him ‘Night King’. I guess it stuck.” According to those closest to him, Night King tried everything including literally freezing himself to try and induce a deep hibernation.

Dr. Dendra Salvo, a prominent sleep physician in The North, saw Night King many times for his disorder. “Such a sad case,” she said, “None of the traditional remedies worked for him. It’s kind of funny because when he was younger, he said waking him up was like trying to raise the dead!”

According to the other Wight Walkers, Night King didn’t even want to conquer the Seven Kingdoms. “Ha! A conqueror? He just rode around on that stupid dragon all day and night pestering people out of jealousy. It was getting really annoying to be honest!” Apparently, the one time he almost fell asleep was interrupted by a strange telepathic experience with Bran Stark. When Arya Stark killed him, he was simply going to ask Bran if he would give him some peace and quiet.

Wight Coat Weekly would like to thank all of Westeros for this interesting story. We will obviously continue to follow, because how could we not.

Leave a Reply