Ancient Greece – What was previously thought to be the world record for longest medical student patient presentation has been absolutely decimated. This week, a medical student from 400 BCE was discovered inside of a tomb mindlessly rambling off lab values for The Four Humors, caught in an apparent loop.
The former record for longest presentation, held by medical student John Smith (Class of ’87), reportedly went on for 3 weeks as he delved into every chronic medical condition known to man. “And then in ’45, the patient had a cough for about 3 hours one Tuesday which she treated with some honey,” he famously included. Rest easy John Smith, your record has been obliterated.
Archaeologists uncovered the tomb in Greece this week and were initially terrified to hear voices coming from the inside. “I thought, ‘This is it! We have finally found a real life version of The Mummy!'” said Nigel Washburn, leading scientist on the team. “Then we noticed the words were really strange, talking about ‘black bile’, ‘yellow bile’, and such. We even heard the young man saying ‘Yes Hippocrates, I’ll put in the order right away!’.”
The archaeology team has since pieced together that the student must have been rounding with Hippocrates and his medical team. Their current theory is that sheer determination to Honor the rotation turned him immortal and got him caught in an endless loop, which will be a plus on his upcoming dermatology residency application.
“This really is a breakthrough for medical students everywhere,” said an anonymous member of the executive board of the American Medical Association. “Now that we know medical students have that kind of stamina, we will recommend longer hours and tuition hikes. This is good to know, very good to know!”
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