Doctors Take Over Nursing Duties in Honor of National Nurses Week

Montgomery, AL – In a first ever move, administrators at Dwendale Hospital are giving all nurses a week-long, fully paid beach vacation in honor of National Nurses Week. The administration has ordered the remaining staff, including themselves, physicians, and even housekeeping staff, to pick up the slack and help cover the nurses’ roles in their absence.

“I think it’s great we are all able to pitch in and give our nurses some much needed vacation time,” says 73-year-old Joe Mustured, a long standing sanitation engineer. “I’ve always dreamt of being on the medical staff since I started here in ’82, and now I get to live that dream this week!” he said as he excitedly began his 47th attempt to insert an IV into one patient’s arm. “I don’t even know how to do this!” he chuckled.

While many of Dwendale’s staff seem eager to lend a helping hand, there are others who are singing a different tune. We sat down with Dr. Brainier, Dwendale’s most senior neurosurgeon, to get his take.

“This is complete bullsh*t!” he exclaimed, “I have all these patients on my list that I actually have to visit in their rooms and take care of, all of them wanting something. How do they expect me to possibly talk to this many people? Three of them sh*t themselves already, and Mrs. Purgeons in room 34C won’t stop ringing me back in to adjust her pillow! It’s only the second day and I just don’t think I can take it, I mean look at this…” he then passed his hand a few times over his head and opened his hand to reveal an alarming amount of hairs. Dr. Brainier then paused somberly and looked at the floor, “Actually caring for these people is a nightmare”.

We then traveled 5 doors down to catch up with Roger Knightly, a member of Dwendale’s board of directors. “There will always be a little pushback when implementing new strategies, but we want to make sure our nursing staff knows we have their backs and appreciate their work,” he said while attempting to catheterize 87-year-old patient Frank Peep. “We got together as a team and decided we could all pitch in to make this happen for them, and I’m proud! Now, none of you guys know how this d*mned thing is supposed to go in do ya? Oh sh*t, I think that’s the wrong hole!” he said with his head under Mr. Peep’s hospital gown.

Dwendale is hoping to set a new standard for employee appreciation, and encourages other hospitals around the nation to test their own employee perks as well. For National Doctors Week, they are considering having the Valet Parking Service team take over in the operating room. White Coat Weekly is proud to report first on this very interesting story.

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