London, England – Happy Birthday and Happy Mother’s Day to the Mother of Modern Nursing, Florence Nightingale. International Nurses Day brings Nurses Week to a close, and we couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate all of this than by talking to ol’ Flo herself! So, we dug up one of those ouija boards hospitals often use to get prior authorizations for dead people when insurance companies reach peak ridiculousness. Let’s just say our experience didn’t disappoint.
It was not that hard to find Florence once we got the Ouija Board up and running. She was charge nurse overnight at St. Peters Hospital in heaven, and since everyone is healthy in heaven, they have exactly zero patients. “It is so nice, we can just play cards non-stop now!” said Nightingale. “I mean, on Earth, we used to play quite a bit, a majority of the day. But now, we don’t have to eat, sleep, or do anything really. So we can play cards nonstop! You wouldn’t believe how many games I’ve played in the last 110 years.”
Nightingale said she was a little disappointed we uncovered the old underground casino she claims to have helped build during her mortal life. “Man, back in my day that was the place to be,” she said with a nostalgic chuckle. “After all these years, the nurses are still playing down there, huh? Well, tell them I’ll kick their a** at a game of Texas Hold ‘Em when they get up here!”
We tried to talk to Florence about various other topics, but she really only wanted to discuss the intricacies of various card games. So, we cut the interview short and let her ante up for the next hand. White Coat Weekly would again like to thank all of the incredible nurses for their hard work, even when stretched too thin. We will now sign off on our coverage of Nurses Week 2019.