BREAKING: New Emergency Medicine Uniforms Unveiled for Western U.S.

Denver, CO – An exciting update to male emergency medicine physician uniforms, mostly in the Western United States, was announced this week by the American College of Emergency Physicians. This comes just one day after another exciting announcement in the field. What a week! Anyways, say goodbye to a full set of boring scrubs, and say hello to khakis, boots, and more!

The announcement was made at the opening ceremony for the Society for Academic Emergency Medicine (SAEM) conference in Las Vegas, Nevada. The new uniforms, which most people already wear anyways, will consist of a scrub top, khaki pants, and an optional* patagonia vest. “It has become so hard working in full scrubs. They are way too comfortable, and don’t have nearly enough pockets!” said Dan Danson, an EM physician from Albuquerque, NM. “Where am I supposed to keep all of my ketamine? There just isn’t room in standard scrubs,” he continued. “Plus, what if I need to go on a spontaneous hike in the middle of my shift? I NEED TO BE WEARING HIKING BOOTS FOR THAT!”

*Note: Patagonia vest is NOT actually optional.

When the announcement was made that khakis will be the new gold standard, there was a deafening roar from the crowd that was recorded at the International Space Station. “Do you know how many rolls of Coban I’m going to be able to fit in those things? And my Leatherman raptors! They can have their own pocket,” said Demetri Moztov, another attending physician. Another doc calculated that he will now be able to store up to 2 liters of ketamine on his body at all times.

It wasn’t just clothing that was released at the conference. After this week, you better not even think about setting foot inside an ED without a Timbuk2 messenger bag. “Sometimes after my shift, I have a bunch of letters to drop off at the post office. So having a bag that looks like a mailman is perfect,” said another conference attendee.

Overall, the announcement was a huge hit. The burnout rate among emergency medicine physicians hit an all-time low for a few minutes before promptly returning once the docs realized they have to go back to work soon. White Coat Weekly will now sign off of this very interesting case.

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