Washington, D.C. – In an alarming and off-the-rails press conference early this morning, President Trump shockingly veered off topic and declared all sickle cell patients as “communists”. The President claims we all should have seen it coming, as the cells literally have half of the hammer and sickle logo inside of them. The press conference was originally scheduled to last only 20 minutes, just enough to allow the administration to answer questions surrounding the trade war with China.
Though typically press conferences are performed by the appointed Press Secretary, currently Sarah Huckabee Sanders, White Coat Weekly learned that President Trump demanded he speak “directly to the people”. He has been overly cautious ever since the announcement of Chinese spy stethoscopes. “Thank you, thank you Sarah, that was great, just wonderful, isn’t she wonderful guys? Really…I mean, for a woman that was pretty good…good for you,” President Trump said as he brazenly shewed Mrs. Sanders away from the microphone.
“You know, I just love these things, these, these, press conferences, really good stuff,” he said. The President then went on to take questions from the press about the trade war with China. It wasn’t long before Trump, while answering one reporter’s question, suddenly swayed off topic. Buckle up, it’s a long one.
“Trade wars are good, you’ll see what I mean, I always come out on top. President Xi and I, we’re very good friends, but he’s for China and I’m for you, the people, the U.S., we’re going to do it and we’re going to do it very very big league (bigly?). Now, all you fake news and fake reporters, I’m looking at you CNN, where’s CNN, ah you, you thought you could hide, you’re the worst. But all you fake news will say “oh Trump is terrible he’s doing this with China, he’s hurting us, he’s doing this with Russia”, which by the way, did you guys hear? No evidence of collusion, nothing, nada, I wonder how that will spin. But all these fake news people will say I’m for Russia. Like I’m pro-Russia or something? I don’t get it, I’m not for Russia OK? I like Russia, but I’m not for Russia. They’re communists, look at me, do I look like a Communist to you? I’m worth billions, come on, you really think I am a secret communist or something like that? I don’t know, seems awful suspicious to me. I wont name names or anything, but I think the left and the fake news, maybe CNN, maybe not, again I don’t know, but they all seem to have some collusion with Russia. I don’t know, and I don’t want to say, but it certainly looks like something’s going on, something big. Why would anyone think me, a billionaire, would be a communist? I literally give nothing to the poor, or anyone else, noooothing, I am as capitalist as they come!”
” I think there are far more communists out there than we know, probably some here in this room. In fact, just the other day I’m in a meeting and I hear Bertha, or Martha, or I don’t know, whoever she was, she says “oh did you hear? Darnell had sickle cell…”. Now, just listen to that “sickle”, doesn’t that make anyone wonder? The only people that I know of that have a “sickle” is communists, you know, the little knife thing that they always wave around on their flags? I’m just saying people, I’m just saying. We should be looking at these people or patients, or whatever you want to call them, but we should be looking at these patients who have sickle cell, they’re commies people, I’ll just say it, they’re communists. Now some of them I assume are good people okay? I’m sure they’re not all bad, but come on, it doesn’t take anyone smart to see this….”
After another 34 minute rant, the President’s team pulled him from the microphone to board Air Force One to travel to a campaign rally in Cleveland Ohio later this afternoon. As always, White Coat Weekly will continue to bring you the latest on any medical related news.