New York, NY – Internet healthcare information giant WebMD announced earlier this week they will be adding new features to their online diagnostic tools. The infamous Symptom Checker, where you put in your symptoms and it tells you that you have brain cancer, will be getting some fun new updates. Apparently, instead of just typing in your symptoms, you will now spin a wheel to learn your fate.
Some early beta testers of the new features only have positive things to say. “It’s awesome. I had a headache, so I got on and used the headache wheel. I gave it a spin and it says I have brain cancer! What a relief,” said Kyle Castello. “Plus, it’s not way boring like most of this stuff used to be. You get to click on this way fun wheel and watch it go around!”
Another tester, Maggie Bradshaw, was similarly pleased. “I had a stomach ache so I was given a wheel to spin. I clicked on it and within moments it told me I have brain cancer! It was exhilarating. I can’t wait to try it again.” Of the 3,546 beta testers, all of them apparently had a rare form of brain cancer.
We spoke with officials at WebMD who are really excited about the new update. “We just thought it was time for something new. We need to be able to compete with real doctors, so fun new features like this are always a plus. Our algorithms are so complex that we can’t just go around changing things all the time, but every once in a while we can do something like this. You know, give the people what they want!”
WebMD says if this update goes over well, they plan to add a new feature where you can write them directly into your will upon learning your diagnosis. White Coat Weekly will continue to follow and update this amazing story.