REJOICE: Dr. Oz Confirms He’s An All-Knowing Being Gifted To Us From The Future

New York, NY – In a joyous and momentous taping of his show today, Dr.Oz confirmed that he is in fact from the future and was sent as a gift to humanity from our future selves. This information shouldn’t be surprising, since the man who gave us the knowledge that stuffing ourselves with raisins will whiten our teeth couldn’t possibly be from our time. His genius is other-worldly, and now we know why.

For years the world has marveled as Dr. Oz’s profound medical knowledge and insight baffles the medical community and charges against the status quo. Dr. Oz has helped us understand that lemon water can detoxify anything, that the common cold can be cured by shoving umckaloabo root extract into our nasal cavities, and that swallowing AA batteries can help with our alkaline balance! His contribution to the world’s increased health over the years is undeniable.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is a very special episode today, for today I reveal my true origins,” Dr. Oz stated in front of his live studio audience. “Today I want to put the rumors to rest. I am human, but I am not from your time. I am in fact from 1000 years into your future, from a time when medical science has been perfected. Everything I tell you on this show is founded in complete truth and rigorous scientific testing.”

The audience then broke into tears and chanted words of praise to Dr. Oz for over 17 minutes. A portal then opened up on stage and Dr. Oz walked through, passing back into the future from where he came, but not before reassuring us all that he will return next week to film the next episode.

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