BREAKING: Woman Gives Birth to 5 lb 8 oz Burrito

Albuquerque, NM – A local woman gave literal meaning to the term ‘food baby’ this week after giving birth to a healthy, cute shredded pork burrito earlier this week. Most of us have felt like we’ve had a food baby before, but it isn’t often you hear of one actually passing through the birth canal.

The happy mother, 32-year-old Stacey Chipotle, was tearful with joy when we asked her about the momentous occasion. Apparently she wasn’t expecting a kid, she had just eaten a lot a couple days before. “It is the cutest thing you’ll ever see. It came out all warm and perfectly wrapped in tinfoil. It didn’t even cry!” she said. There was some initial doubt as to whether or not she could consider the deliciously wrapped bundle an actual child, but Stacey isn’t hearing that. “I don’t care what anyone says, I am this burrito’s mother. No one can take that from me.”

Stacey’s husband, Don Chipotle, has mixed feelings about the occasion. “I won’t lie, it’s going to be really hard to not eat the little fella. Not even love can stand between me and a warm burrito.” He laughed a little bit, claiming he was joking, but the laugh went too long and was way too awkward to be 100% a joke. As he was leaving, a little, travel-sized bottle of Tobasco fell out of his pocket.

The burrito’s APGAR scores were dismal and it apparently has not yet passed meconium or even cried, but after consulting Chipotle, doctors think this is normal. White Coat Weekly will continue to update this fascinating story as we learn more.

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