Los Angeles, CA – After a recent story highlighting just how much coffee some doctors drink, Starbucks held an emergency board meeting to discuss the issue. To take advantage of the high demand, they have released a new coffee delivery mechanism sure to impress the highest-volume drinkers. The new model, which consists of a coffee IV bag injected straight into the veins, is being piloted in hospitals across the country.
We interviewed several faculty members at Slowbrew Hospital to get their opinion on the new technology. “At first I was hesitant because you don’t really get to taste the coffee, but then I realized I don’t even like the taste of coffee,” said Dr. Regina Nocream. “Part of the reason I drank it was to fit in with the insane societal pressure to drink it, but the main reason is because I’m insanely addicted to it.” Nocream says it’s very convenient to just hook up the IV once in the morning and be able to have as much coffee as she wants straight into her blood supply.
Dr. Jason Macchiato, a first year internal medicine resident, also really enjoys the new mechanism. “As an intern, I don’t even have time to put my clothes on in the morning most of the time. I have gotten good at IVs, so in like 10 seconds I can be hooked up for the whole day. It’s great.” For those that can’t start their own IVs, Starbucks will be opening clinics to help. Doctors wanting a faster injection will also be able to get the pressure bag model which empties a full liter in a matter of minutes.
As we walked around Slowbrew Hospital at the end of the day, we noticed almost every doctor, nurse, tech, and other members of the medical staff wearing their new coffee IVs. If the launch of this new product continues to go well, Monster Energy will begin to experiment a similar technology with its energy drinks. White Coat Weekly would like to thank everyone for this beautiful story.