87-Year-Old Neurosurgeon Finishes Residency In Record-Breaking Time

Omaha, NE – Most people are familiar with the fact that completing a neurosurgery residency usually takes a couple of centuries. It’s grueling, relentless, and most trainees continue training into the afterlife. This octogenarian, however, is shattering all previous training records – it only took him 66 years.

Dr. Bernard Schertz started residency at the age of 21 with a dream of finishing sometime in the afterlife. “Never could I have imagined I’d finish my residency in this life,” he said. “I was prepared for an eternity of this. It’s unbelievable that I’ve got at least a good year or two left before my time here is up!”

He wasn’t always this optimistic. After his PGY-35 year, Dr. Schertz said he almost quit. “I told myself I was half way there, I can’t quit now! That gave me the motivation I needed to complete the final 30 years.”

Using a Ouija board, we were able to talk with some of Dr. Schertz’ previous mentors. “We always knew he was special. After his 3rd decade he could already operate on his own!” Said Dr. Bernice Lawson, who like most is still completing her training in the afterlife.

Dr. Schertz says he is going to take a minute or two and decide if he wishes to pursue a fellowship. If he does, it’s expected to take him another 10-15 years, which very well could take him into the next life. Either way, he’s a hero in our books.

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