REPORT: Anti-Vaxxers OK With Medical Interventions As Long As They Don’t Prevent Deadly Illness

Provo, UT – To the delight of measles viruses everywhere, the anti-vaccine crowd has been causing a surprisingly loud fuss for a few years now. You would think they’d be anti-basically-everything medical if they are denying something as proven and simply as vaccines, but it turns out that’s not the case.

McKinleighly Johnsonly, a proud lifestyle blogger/influencer and confident anti-vaxxer, brought us up to date on the movement’s thinking. “We are OK with, like, medical stuff as long as it doesn’t prevent deadly infections,” she said. “Like if I need a big brain surgery, or a kidney transplant or something then I’ll trust my doctor to do it. But a vaccine? No way in hell. I need to get measles naturally,” she continued.

Johnson says this thinking is fairly common among anti-vaxxers. “For another example, take breast augmentation. Sure there are risks, but we gotta live life right? Plus I haven’t heard of anyone getting…. autism…. from a boob job.” She cringed and had a visible eye twitch as she muttered the word autism.

We asked her thoughts on declining rates of herd immunity, to which she responded she actually thinks she’s doing everyone a favor. “These illnesses are blessings in disguise. Everyone should have the opportunity to get measles, we can’t take that from them!” Apparently, she has an iron lung in her home that is ready to use if needed.

Johnsonly says that Anti-vaxxers are trying to find the next scientifically-proven interention they can deny. The choices include anti-antibiotics, anti-blood pressure, and anti-IV fluids. White Coat Weekly will continue to update this fascinating story.

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